What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
