Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize