he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
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At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
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Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I touched a dick in church today
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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