go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Randomize
