My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
