I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
