Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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