THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
