Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
