Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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