you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I lost the right to judge tonight
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
