My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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