i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize