I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
