you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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