I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
