Capitaan dildo arrescate!
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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