onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
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I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
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It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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