physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I love having hate sex.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
