READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
