As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
