so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth