I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.