dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
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Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
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I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.