Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
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I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
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i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck