During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
We were destined to go to rehab together
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.