I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
