I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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