yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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