So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I need a burrito and a hug.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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