I think scott just propositioned me for sex
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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