I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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