His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
