Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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