Me too!
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
