i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
