if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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