it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
