OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
