It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
