She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
