I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
