stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
