You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
