so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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