I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
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He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
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I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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