if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
