I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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