waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
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I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
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I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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