Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
