the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
