The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
