so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
