home. puking in laundry basket.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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