ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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