So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
And then he peed in my hair
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