I'm pants shitting drunk right now
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Randomize
