I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
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literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
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He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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