Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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