I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
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Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
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I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
how does that bad decision feel?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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