Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
