All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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