someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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